When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;
When health is lost, something is lost;
When character is lost, all is lost!
- German Proverb

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THE MOST IMPORTANT CHOICE AND DECISION I WILL MAKE TODAY IS THIS:

'You Need to Decide to Heal'
I was a successful singer-songwriter, and I was also a bulimic. But prayer and intention helped me find the way out.
By Christine Kane

In my song "The Way Clouds Do", there's a line that says, "Back in Fairfax, Virginia, me and the girls grew up in homes they built on battlefields. In ponytails and panic, we were bad, bored and bulimic. We longed for something real." It wasn't just alliteration, I really was all three. Some of my friends who have had or still have eating disorders are shocked that I'm essentially admitting to thousands of people that I had been bulimic. Bulimia has lots of shame attached to it.

Recovering alcoholics will occasionally tell horrific stories of drunken stupors that lasted for days and ended with them passing out in an alley while someone's stereo above played Aretha Franklin all night long and the whole thing takes on the mood of a Jim Jarmusch movie. Recovering bulimics do not talk about the night they ordered three pizzas from Domino's, devoured two of them with a liter of Coke, followed by a bag of Doritos, another bag of Cheetos, another one of Oreos, finishing with a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough (the only poetry being that every food ends in the same vowel sound) all while watching "Pretty Woman" in a basement apartment, letting the answering machine pick up the calls, and then spending a half hour throwing up, cleaning up, sitting on the bathroom floor letting their hearts race until they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer so they passed out on the bed and slept til too late in the morning and got up and pretended everything was okay when they showed up at work the next day. So, yes, I was bulimic for about ten years of my life. And though that picture isn't exactly a scene from those ten years, it gives you the general idea of your basic binge.

Our dreams can show us many things about ourselves.

I'm no longer bulimic. This fact is number one on any Gratitude List I ever make. Contained in that gratitude is also a gratitude for having had bulimia at all. When I committed myself to healing, I was required over time not only to reconcile my relationship with my own body and with food, but with other people, with my past, with my family, with God and spirituality, and with my emotional take on life. These other elements were essential to the process, and the expansion and learning have been powerful. The road continues now, of course, but I’m a totally different person.

I'm convinced that commitment to anything reveals everything. But it reveals it in very tiny doses and steps. The exact doses you are able to handle at the time. It's like the process of making art. It's not linear. There is grace, there is inspiration, and there are times when you think you're right back where you started.

That brings me to the good news: when you commit to healing, when you set your intent, when you pray in whatever tiny way you can, the door does open. Light does come in. People do show up to help you. New friends who have "been there" show up and walk beside you. Books appear. A song lyric will open your heart. Grace happens.

The bad news is this: The door opens gradually. At first, imperceptibly. This news is like a prison sentence for someone with an eating disorder. Bulimic personalities want answers, they want it done, they want to either have it over with or not do it at all... which is precisely why the spiritual direction that they necessarily must go through involves learning how to live in process, progress, gratitude, and presence.

In one of her lectures, Caroline Myss made a passing remark that I love: "One powerful prayer (intent) beats a confused cathedral any day." I am convinced that human beings are, as Marianne Williamson said, "powerful beyond measure." I know that I am no longer bulimic because I simply decided that I had had it. I was over it. I was tired of the struggle. I decided to heal. I committed. I set intent.

You need to decide to heal. And you then need to remind yourself again the next morning that you decided. And the next. Write it in your journal over and over. Tell your voices their days are numbered. This doesn't mean you go on a diet, begin an exercise regime, or find any other ways to beat yourself into submission. Consider this a non-step... the opposite of every diet you've ever started. This is deeper.

Decide to heal. Pray. And do that everyday. Trust me on this. You have no idea now how powerful this will be. But it will be and it is.

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YOUNG BUCK GOING BUCK:



AND THIS GUY SAYS YOUNG BUCK IS COKED-UP... MEH:



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IT APPEARS THE ROC HAS OFFICIALLY CRUMBLED:



AND THEN THERE ARE PEOPLE SAYING THAT BEANIE AND FREEWAY AREN'T DROPPED... NOBODY KNOWS, BUT IT'S ALL FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW WITH JIGGA'S CREW, THAT'S FOR SURE

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HERE'S THE VERSION OF "PRAY" THAT I CAN PUT ON MY WEBSITE, YAY:



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ANOTHER ANGLE OF WAYNE GOING CRAZY:



AND ANOTHER:



AND THE GRAND FINALE:



SOMEONE'S THOUGHTS ON THE SHOW:

I drove 4 hours from V-Tech to VCU in Richmond to see Lil Wayne perform. The show "started" at 7 with a handful of up and coming openers as usual, many were booed. The drama didn't start until 10:45, when the hosts ran out of acts and Wayne was no where to be found. The hosts swore Wayne was in the building, and kept reminding us of his managers promise to land in Richmond at 6. The refund line was packed. Wayne didn't show up until midnight. Weezy comes on stage looking very depressed, with a middle finger salute to his DJ, and tries to attempt a decent show, he then pauses and blames his attitude on someone in his crew, later revealed to be the his childhood friend and DJ Taz Poe. The beef has something to do with someone (Taz Poe?) calling Wayne a junkie, advising him to attend rehab, and his court date that afternoon. Wayne announces that everyone we see with him today, will no longer accompany him...never. Wayne proceeded to disrespectfully cue the DJ - "start the next track BITCH". Wayne later ordered the audience to shout Fuck You to the DJ. Wayne steps off stage after 10 minutes of this on stage circus, taking many breaks between cuts to argue with the DJ.

Wayne comes back a new man after 5 minutes of crowd chanting Weezy! (Jay-Z encore style), and does a great show, as if nothing ever happened. One of the final songs in his show was Go DJ, and he thanked Taz Poe for buying him the guitar used in the leather so soft video, which he used for a couple cuts on stage. I am very confused on if the crew is fired or not, but I don't really care, the show was amazing. - DJ IP

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HOLD YOUR HEAD, DUN:

Mobb Deep MC Prodigy will bid farewell to the free world during a sendoff party and concert next Wednesday (Feb. 6) at B.B. King's Blues Club & Grill in New York City.

Dubbed the "All Star QB + G-Unit Tribute to Prodigy," the party will feature P performing his latest solo release, H.N.I.C. 2, in its entirety. Unnamed special guests are also scheduled to appear.

Prodigy (born Albert Johnson) is preparing to do a three-and-a-half-year bid for weapons charges after being caught with a loaded, unregistered .22-caliber gun in his $150,000 bulletproof SUV in 2006.

He was originally scheduled to report to prison in January, but was granted a five-week extension, reportedly to give his doctors time to assemble his medical records in light of the fact that he suffers from sickle cell disease.

Although Prodigy is not yet behind bars, he shot the video for "Real Power Is People" from a jail cell at the Queens House of Detention.

The rapper's all-ages sendoff show begins at 9 p.m. Tickets are $20.

DAMN, HOMIE! IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU WAS THE MAN HOMIE... LOOK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU :(

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, P

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GO HERE AND LISTEN TO 'IS THE FUTURE FAR AWAY?' -

www.myspace.com/saukrates

MY FUCKING FACE IS TWISTED UP IN DISGUSTING JOY... I LOVE THIS SHIT!!!

TO ME, HE'S STILL THE KING OF CANADA.



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I had some sexxxy fun last night with some lovely people.
I saw DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist do above average work.
I had an argument with Diane, then solved it.
I really love my life and there's so much potential it's disgusting.
I have a major announcement to make soon... when I'm allowed to let the wildcat out the bag. Just know that I'ma make edutainment on a higher level for you REAL soon!!!
Peace to Canada, we got NEXT... RIGHT NOW

love, Mindbender Supreme