Leadership is lacking. I should do The Hip Hop Leadership Awards...

...even though it would be an embarassing disgrace to my brothers and sisters!

Lauryn Hill, let's start with you. I'm still riding the "Girl Power aka Power of the Pussy" Bandwagon that was started in 1998 by the Spice Girls, Foxy Brown, Lil' Kim and all the other independent women who asserted themselves in bedrooms and boardrooms across the globe. (Especially the Spice Girls, I LOVE Geri Halliwell more than words can muster, and I can't fathom how in God's name Eddie Murphy can deny the love of the horrifically named 'Scary' Spice... she never scared me na'an!)

Lauryn Hill was probably THEE most powerful woman of any race, creed, color, religion, philosophy and subculture to speak, think, live and/or breathe on that odd planet known as Earth in 1998. "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" won like 94 Grammys, so many that Lauryn couldn't hold them all. Now, those useless trophies hold up the mantlepiece that is adorned with her Certified Psychotic Celebrity Certificates that she earned from the School of Psychiatry. She met some spiritual leader who... led her faaaar away from her own spiritual/God-like status. Sure, the cult of celebrity is not as righteous as SOME organized religious institutions (probably all, but I digress), I understand why Lauryn reeled and bristled at doing the whole "Miseducation" whirlwind over again. I saw her perform at the Molson Amphitheatre with 17 musicians (best 80 bucks I ever spent on one show, I'll tell you what) that year and could see that the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Wyclef was fuckin with her, literally and figuratively, and those pesky New Jersey session musicians just couldn't take their cake (the one made of cash) and stuff it in their loud mouths. Lauryn was trying to get her K-Os on! LOL!! Oh my goodness, how much wordplay can one juggle with? There's just too much here... let me take a line break.

Lauryn said "FUCK IT, I QUIT." and dropped the mic like she dropped the Fugees. Got herself a Marley boy and eventually had four kids like she was preceeding Angelina Jolie, except without the adoption agency.

Musically, she came back a few years later and did the Unplugged CD, which went platinum but was still met with a critical shitstorm shower. "She's CRYING on the songs! She can't play gee-tar!! What's all this religiosity?!" said the naysayers. And she felt it even more.

So yeah... Lauryn wasn't giving you want you thought you wanted from her.

But now: SHE'S GIVEN THE WORLD -NOTHING-!

Nothing but cryptic and distant MySpace messages, weird stories, the Dave Chappelle Block Party Concert and the BET Awards Fugees reunion (thankfully), but... nothing else of a solo nature.

And everyone hated those Fugees songs they put out at the end of 2005, particularly 'Take It Easy', which I genuinely LIKED.

BUT LAURYN WAS ESSENTIALLY GONE FROM THE WORLD. AND STILL IS.

IT'S 2007. YOUNG GIRLS ACROSS NORTH AMERICA ARE RUNNING AMOK. WHO IS THEIR ROLE MODEL?

Fergie 'The Dutchess'? Don't make me retch, then inject my own vomit into a needle with crystal meth.

YUUUUCK: what more can I say? LOL!

Nelly Furtado? Uhhhh, she could have been, before she got all 'Loose' and 'Promiscuous' with us. More yuck. You got a child at home, don't front. You were the opposite image for your last album. Don't front!

Not that mummies can't be yummy (I'm a MILF-man :) but it was just too obvious that she needed to make some $$$ cause the 'Folklore' albumd didn't blow up like 'I'm Like A Bird' (does she even perform that song anymore? LOL) so yeah... the sexiness was too obvious.

Timbaland was just done juicing Missy Elliott for all the creative juice she had, and since he can't choose a legendary MC to put his beats under, he just looked toward the North Star... and prayed. His wish was granted! Cha-chi-chi-chi-ching, eh, Nelly! :)

And Beyonce? That girl is the most manufactured pop star in the world. You couldn't aspire to be Beyonce if you were born with a multi-millionaire father and a family full of sister married to the Jacksons... IN THEIR PRIME. Beyonce is absolutely unreal, and I don't understand how she gets away with her infuriating shenanigans time and time again. She's the epitome of Black Barbie. And didn't society discover that Barbie would be physically incapable of walking if she were a real human being with those body characteristics?

soooo.... yeah. Girls are screwed as far as I can see. Who will lead them to Goddess-hood?

Remy Ma (she doesn't want the job *UPDATE: AND SHE'S GOING TO RIKER'S ISLAND FOR SHOOTING HER CHILDHOOD HOMEGIRL!!!*), Foxy Brown (ha haaaaa, that's too easy and I'm almost done for today, she's so messed up she deserves her own page), Jackie-O (same as Remy), Shawnna (not magnetic enough), and Lil Kim (still recovering from the bing... and hosting The Search for the Next PussyCat Doll isn't giving you much more intellectual depth, methinks) all are not capable of the magic.

so long story short, I'm glad I don't have a daughter right now. I'D have to be her role model, when her mother wasn't! LOL!!

AND:

RAP IS OUTTA CONTROL!

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.

MLJ

p.s. this girl actually has a song called 'Follow Me'. I think you should.

Eternia is her name, being a secret Queen in hip hop is her game

it will be a lot harder to break down how bad it is with the boys of hip hop... but I'll try.

more love from MLJ